DEEK VS OSTRICH

Running hypotheticals is totally what 'The Stables' is into right now. This weeks race is between the great Robert De Castella and an ordinary Ostrich (Struthio camelus) which by the way lays the largest eggs of any living bird. So if your looking for some protein to put in your shake, grab a couple of Ostrich eggs.

You may of picked up on the word 'ordinary' as I am trying to point to the fact that on any given day any ordinary Ostrich would be up for a race against Deek. This highlights the brilliance of Deek but it also highlights the superior physical capabiltiies of an Ostrich and what's more important it only highlights these two things. However, we must remember that no race between a man and a beast has ever been organised by the latter and therefore the outcome of such a race would go completely over it's head. So what's the point? Well as we saw when Ben Johnson raced a Giraffe, Animal vs Human racing is a great way to earn back the publics trust. Not only did Johnson show that Giraffes are much faster than man, but that Animal vs Human racing is hilarious and though maybe not equal to winning Olympic Gold medal a great way to show your running for the joy of being beaten by animals.

Fact 1 Most Animalls are faster than the average Human, even Wombats. This is largely because animals have adapted to out run mf's that be chasing them, and if your not being chased your chasing something and mostly because your super hungry. Therefore, not many animals run for the pleasure of it nor do they have a specialised training regime. It could be said then that running long-distances for the no other reason than to run, is stupid and totally unatural. But than there is 'folks runnin' and then there is 'folks who be runnin'. Although I'm not entirely sure what the last line meant I think what I was trying to say is that there is you and than there is guys like Deek. What are the reasons behind such awesomeness ? Firstly, DeCastella is an awesome name for running and some may want to think about jazzing their own names up a bit ( Tom Lee-Castella, Gus Amylmonteghetti) Secondly, Deek was a nugget, totally unmade for running, his legs were like VB tinnies and his stride looked like he was trying to rub-out his feet. It is very obvious than why he was such a freak... TIKKA..TIKKA,TIKKA,TIKKA. He was the the proud owner of a humungous TIKKA, so big in fact he would blow windows out when it got above 150 bpm. Knowing this we can assume that if made to race an ostrich, say over the period of a month in the desert with no one watching or providing drinks, De castella would probably loose. But throw in a Gold Medal, a finshing tape to bust through, a crowd, a book deal, potentially a parade on arrival home and you bet your balls Deek would run that fuckin Ostrich down.This is because Deek is a Long Distance runner and the Ostrich ... well he is just an Ostrich... nameless, friendless, medaless.

Deek declared WINNER!!

Coach Fitz

See Next week for 'Coaches Corner' were we discuss Death threats and how they can be employed to improve running results.